Confused.

Why is it that no matter how well I do in school, no matter how hard I work, I'm always left feeling completely unaccomplised? I have a 94% average, which is pretty amazing if I do say so myself.. And yet- I feel horrible. I feel like I have no where to go and I STILL have no idea what I want to do with my life.

I wanted to be a nurse. I wanted to be a nurse so badly that I took biology and chemistry and applied for an internship. And now I think I might reject it because I don't want it-

and I need that time for myself.

I feel like I'm burning out. I'm not even 17 yet and I'm burning out. The last three years have been an emotionally traumatizing, exhausting, psychologically scarring rollercoaster. All I can think is: "I want to go back to Victoria."

I don't even know why. When I was there, I didn't like it that much. Like here, I barely had many friends and people made fun of me and there was always family issues and self esteem issues-

But I NEED to go back. I feel this constant urge, something pulling me, dragging me back there. And I don't know what's going to happen if I go back. Maybe I'll find that that's where I belong, and all I really needed all along was to sit there on a porch with my guitar or sketchbook while the rain drizzled down and just SIT there. Not thinking, not trying to explain to myself why or why not I should be feeling a certain way. Or maybe I'll just find out that it's not the place for me and the only thing tying me to the place are some vague childhood memories that mean nothing now that I'm older.

I don't care what the answer is.

I just want to find out.