Contradiction much?

I've just noticed how people can be so hypocritical. It's so common for someone to say "I don't talk behind backs like that Suzy chick! She's such a bitch!". Jesus Christ! I don't think people realize what they're saying half the time!

Seriously. Here's an example, quoted from a friend's blog on Nexopia. I bolded a few words for effect, of course. This was under her "DISLIKES" portion of the page:

"funerals, preps, posers, gold diggers...being called unoriginal

"insults"being boredfeeling lonely being sadBAD SPELLING!!!!!

shallow people, if you have nothing better to judge people by then how they look... then you need to find some substance!"

Hmmm... Really now! Judging people by how they look? Isn't prep just a label for how a person dresses?

Really. Goth kids, and don't try to make me the bad guy for calling them goths because that's what they happen to call themselves, tend to have this double standard. It's okay if you dress punk or goth or emo or punk or DARK (as my good friend Yilan calls the general group), but heaven forbid that you shop at a mainstream store and not Hot Topic, Value Village, DeTox or some shit online ebay store. Apparently, looking different from different (which can also be referred to as normal) is a sin by them. And yet, say one thing about bondage pants (I dare you to) and they go on some self-righteous prattle usually using words like original, unique, WHO I AM... Blah blah blah.

Oh man that bothers me. Sucking the corporate dick of Hot Topic is the same as sucking the corporate dick of American Eagle.

IT'S JUST ONE BIG DICK.



uh. Yeah. Thank you.

FACTORIZER

Confused.

Why is it that no matter how well I do in school, no matter how hard I work, I'm always left feeling completely unaccomplised? I have a 94% average, which is pretty amazing if I do say so myself.. And yet- I feel horrible. I feel like I have no where to go and I STILL have no idea what I want to do with my life.

I wanted to be a nurse. I wanted to be a nurse so badly that I took biology and chemistry and applied for an internship. And now I think I might reject it because I don't want it-

and I need that time for myself.

I feel like I'm burning out. I'm not even 17 yet and I'm burning out. The last three years have been an emotionally traumatizing, exhausting, psychologically scarring rollercoaster. All I can think is: "I want to go back to Victoria."

I don't even know why. When I was there, I didn't like it that much. Like here, I barely had many friends and people made fun of me and there was always family issues and self esteem issues-

But I NEED to go back. I feel this constant urge, something pulling me, dragging me back there. And I don't know what's going to happen if I go back. Maybe I'll find that that's where I belong, and all I really needed all along was to sit there on a porch with my guitar or sketchbook while the rain drizzled down and just SIT there. Not thinking, not trying to explain to myself why or why not I should be feeling a certain way. Or maybe I'll just find out that it's not the place for me and the only thing tying me to the place are some vague childhood memories that mean nothing now that I'm older.

I don't care what the answer is.

I just want to find out.

another survey. i'm bored, okay? XD

*Finish the Sentence*

I Am... everything and more than you could imagine.
I Want... to be with him forever <3
I Fear... that I'm getting mushy by typing those things!
I Wish... that I knew what to do tomorrow for our 6th month!
I Hate... Kat Von D!
I Love... Yichi <3
I Search... the internet for porn.
I Regret.... nothing.
I Wonder... where my black tshirt is...
I Ache... because I've been sitting crosslegged for too long
I Am Not... about to become a morman?
I Dance... everywhere at anytime, randomly.
I Sing... at every chance I can get.
I Cry... probably a lot more than I should? (though biologically speaking, and pyscologically speaking, it's very good for you)
I Lose... at chess. EVERY time.
I Never... lose at James Bond Nightfire, kthnx
I Always... talk about Star Trek
I Am Confused... about how people can call 32 human cells life. Did you know that a stem cell has more legal rights than an adult chimpanze?
I Need... Hairdye and foundation.
I Rarely... jump off buildings.
I Usually... don't jump off buildings.
I Am Thinking... about my boyyyyyyyyyyyy <3

Um, survey much?

The Dirty Thirty unknown facts/secrets about yourself:

1. In three words, explain what ended your last relationship? not a lesbian
2. When was the last time you shaved your legs? Yesterday I think...
3. What were you doing this morning at 8? Putting on makeup
4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago? Sitting here, reading random things on wikihow. IT WAS INTERESTING
5. Are you any good at math? I'm pretty much a math wiz.
6. Your prom night? Won't exist. We don't have prom in Canada, do we?
7. Do you have any famous ancestors? I AM my famous ancestor. (otherwise known as jesus)
9. Do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile? No. Considering I don't have myspace, this isn't a bad thing
10. Last thing you recieved in the mail? Cheque from the Government. THANK YOU TAXES!
11. How many different beverages have you drank today? hmmm.. Let's count! Coffee, orange juice, milk, grape juice, orange pop, water... 6!
12. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machines? I do. Because it's silly not to.
13. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to? Avril Lavigne.
14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach? No, I draw dirty things. Like mermaids who are anatomically correct.
15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had? That one time where i was given a triple dose of anesthesia and yet it STILL hurt when they were drilling...
16. What is out your back door? MY BACKYARD PERHAPS?
17. Any plans for Friday night? Well it's currently Friday night, 10:30 and I'm sitting here talking to you, blog, and yichi trying to figure out our plans for tomorrow. I think I just answered your question
18. Do you like the ocean? I love it. I used to live by it...
19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different kinds of popcorn for christmas? Gross. It's so disgusting.
20. Have you ever been to a planetarium? No, but I really want to... God the stars are so amazing... I want to be a starship captain..
22. Something you are excited about? Just.. the future in general. (PS, where's 21?)
23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO? Hmmm... Cherry or lime. or orange. Most Jello is equally DELICIOUS.
24. Are any of your great-grandparents still alive? Naw, last one died when I was 6. She was fucking evil though. So that's okay.
25. Describe your keychain: My key is currently on a necklace from Norway. It's super pretty.
26. Where do you keep your change? Quarters go in the pink piggy bank and the rest in the plastic jar. I have like 20 bucks in change.
27. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people? I did a presentation today. That was easy.
28. What kind of winter coat do you have? It's wool and warm <3
30. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed? Closed.

Hate

I hate Kat Von D.


Don't even bother commenting on that one.

What is even going on...?

Okay so a bit of a recap here.

At my school, a couple of weeks ago, there was a shooting threat. Someone had posted a threat in the bathroom saying that they were going to kill everyone. The police were there all day, but I left because I was scared and my parents wanted me home. Two days later, someone posted another threat. And another. One was more specific, actually naming some people.

So, here we are now, and I'm starting to feel a little bit safe again but no. Someone has to go and ruin it for EVERYONE. Another threat apparently. This time by a group. Now, I'm not sure because this one is just a rumour- that I've heard from a LOT of people. But I'm still scared.

Isn't it my right to feel safe and secure at my school? Bad enough being different and persecuted to an extent for that, bad enough that some of my best friends who are homosexual are being persecuted for that- but now, we can't feel safe even when there are teachers around. What is our society coming to? People used to hate school because it's boring. Because we have to work hard and don't get an immediate reward.

Now we hate school because we're afraid we're going to our deaths.

Now we hate school because we're afraid of being hurt. Seeing our friends- our loved ones, being hurt.

It just sickens me.

Ahahahahaha... Stereotyping powerrangers much?

Okay. I find it hilarious, thanks. Trini also does Kung Fu.

Encounter at Farpoint

A new blog constitutes a good old survey! (You'll be seeing a lot of these)


What is the single largest item in your house? The house itself, isn't it obvious? If that doesn't count.. then... My penis
How well can you write your name with your non dominant hand? Pretty well, surprisingly
What color is your bedroom? It's yellow! Isn't that exciting?!
What type of computer mouse do you use? A touch pad on my laptop. I don't like mouses that much...
What is your earliest memory? Being at the hospital when my little brother was born. I was 3 : D
Have you ever jumped off of a high dive? yes! In Victoria. My goggles fell off and I cried because I lost them and it hurt when I hit the water. I was 7.
Do you take vitamins? Not anymore. They don't do anything any more.
When did you first become interested in the oppsite sex? And the same sex? I dunno.. It didn't just HAPPEN. It slowly merged into my mind
Do you like to color inside the lines? Usually, yes. It just looks sloppy if you don't.
What do you have set as your home page? Nexopia. Don't judge!
Do you have your own radio? Yeah. I have two and a clock radio.
Where would you hate to have to work? McDonalds, or another fast food place.
Who is on your speed dial? I don't have speed dial...
Do you prefer lightbulbs or candles? Candles. They smell good n_n;
How much money did you spend today? What is this money spending you speak of?
What are you sitting on right now? My bed....
Do you look at yourself when you pass by reflective surfaces? I do and I make faces : D
Would you ever get plastic surgery? No, I don't think I would unless I was disfigured by some disease or an accident.
Did you play with shaving cream when you were a kid? No, I played with hair gel. I used to style hair.
How big is your bed? It's a twin, so it's small D:
Do you like the smell of axe? The bodyspray? Yes. It's what Yichi uses and he smells like YUM
What is your favorite flavor of lifesavers? Cherry! Or Lime!!!
Have you ever seen a volcano? No, I don't believe so. Not in real life, at least. And I'm glad because I'm so scared of them!
What is the best halloween costume you've ever worn? My skeleton one when I was little...
What kind of soap do you use? Pears.
Can you snowboard? Yeah, I used to be able to... But I don't know if I could now.
How many icons do you have on your dekstop? 26
What is the biggest amount of money you've ever had at one time? I found an old bank statement that said $904... I'm jealous of my past self
Do you understand how telephones work? No, but i never bothered to look up...
Do you write notes on your body? Yes.. It's a horrible habit
What is the prominent color in your closet? Of my clothes? Black.. EMO. But the closet itself is purple.
What is sitting next to you right now? Big Old Bear Do you believe in lots of conspiracies? Not a lot, but some I believe
Do you own any really old video game systems? Yeah! Snes, Sega Genesis, Sega...
Are you good at baking? Yes! Very good!
Have you ever made your own clothing? Yeah, but not very well...
How many doors does your house have? 15, including closets
Do you prefer tootsie pops or blow pops? Tootsie pops!
Do you sneak into movie theatres? You really can't...
Are you a really fast text messager? I don't text, no cell phone
Do you have anything you keep on you 24/7? My head.
Do you usually write in print or in cursive? A mix
What was your first job? Oh, I worked at the Theatre! Selling popcorn and managing birthday parties : D
Do you prefer crushed ice or cubed? Cubed, because it doesn't melt as fast. Yey, surface area!
What print is on your plates or cups in your kitchen? A mix, who has all the same print on their plates and cups?!
Have you ever made a mixed cd for someone? Ahahaha, I made one for my gym class! And once for carleen, I burnt her miyavi and dir en grey stuff in exchange for two good charlotte CDS. I was 13, okay?!
What do you want to buy from an infomercial? THE MAGIC BULLET
Do you believe that animals have souls? Yeah, of course they do. Everything has a soul.
What word/phrase do you find really annoying? True dat, and JIN SHAO SUREEEEE
Do you have a lava lamp or a black light? Black light, thanks : D
Do you find yourself not having enough electrical outlets? No kidding. I have a powerbar that's constantly full cause I have a stereo, laptop, keyboard, two amps and occasionally my straightener
What is the longest you can wait patiently? Like 2 minutes, not even. I have no patience
Have you ever been under anesthesia? Yeah, it tasted like raspberry, NO joke. So good. I had my front teeth pulled when I was little.
Are your fingernails long or short? Short. I chew them.
Are you afraid of bright colors? I love bright colours
Has anyone ever accused you of being gay? Ahahaha, all the time! And they're partly right
Can you tell people honest things to their face? No shit I can.
Would you rather eat grits or oatmeal? For the record, I fucking love oatmeal, thanks!
Do you own a kite? No.. I used to own a really sweet one back in Victoria cause we could go to Clover Point to fly it cause it was ALWAYS windy.
Have you ever run down an up escalator or vice versa? I have, but scares the fuck outta me...
What do you think of clothing for pets? That's just silly, honestly.
Do you tend to want things you cannot have? I tend to just want things...
Is it true that you can be anything you want to be? Yeah! There's surgery for those things!
Were your parents honest to you about serious things when you were little? Yeah. I got the sex talk when I was 5.
Would you ever dye your hair purple? I have, and I definitely would do it again.
Who do you think should play you in a movie? Hmmm... Miyavi. Because he could randomly be like: Sa...sa....sa....SASHIMI
Would you ever kill someone? No, no I wouldn't.
Do you prefer stripes or polka dots? Polka dots, no question.
Do you dot your i's and cross your t's? I cross my t's but don't dot my i's and it pisses people off. I also don't dot my lower case j's.
Are you double jointed in any way? Yeah, yes I am.
What kind of super power do you wish you had? The ability to fly! That would be SO cool. And fast.
Are you easily offended? No, not really...
How often do you watch the news? Every night unfortunately.
Do you have nightmares very much? Most nights, actually... They're not so much scary as WEIRD.
Which power ranger was your favorite? I really liked Trini, the yellow ranger. Now that I look back, it's really hilarious how the yellow ranger was asian and the black ranger was black...
Did the movie Jaws ever scare you? No. What a stupid movie.
Have you ever cried to get away with something? ....perhaps
What do you think of feminists? I am one thanks -thumbs up-
Are you friends with anyone famous? No, not really. But my friends are cooler.
Do you lack common sense sometimes? Yes, sometimes...
Are you afraid of snakes? Psh, no. I love snakes
Do you use recycle bins at your house? No, we don't..
How hot do you like the water in your shower? I like it REALLY hot to begin with and then luke warm around the end..
Do you ever walk around your house naked? Only when I'm home alone.
What is your favorite art form? Painting.
Do you want to be bilingual? I am pretty much bilingual.
Is energy wasted on little kids? No. I like little kids.
Do you lie to make people feel better? No, I try not to lie.. It's just silly.
How many times a day do you look at the clock? Too many to count. I hate not knowing the time
Do you like to organize things? Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don't.
Are you going to have smile lines or frown lines when you're older? Smile lines, fo sho!
Do you floss your teeth every day? Okay, I tried that. But my teeth hate it. My gums swell and bleed when I do, so I stopped.
Do you like the game red rover? LMFAO Yes.
Which is better, thick crust or thin? Thick! God, thin is SO gross
How good are you at keeping secrets? Pretty good actually
What stupid little thing really stresses you out? Not being on time.
Can you remember what you wore yesterday? Red our lady peace shirt, new dark skinny jeans, no socks, leopard print bra, black "I <3 boys in bands" panties. Good memory much?
Which Disney parks have you been to? None D: D: D:
What do you think the drinking age should be? I dunno. I don't really care. I don't drink that much...
Do you like to wear socks? Naw, they're annoying. I wish I could chill out in flip flops or barefeet all year long!